A Year to Change: Conversations with women on choice, connections, and clarity in midlife

At a certain age, you have to find exercise where you can. I understand that many people go to the mall to walk.  I hate the mall–I’m  pretty much incapable of going in and just buying one thing.  And I hate carrying around a bunch of stuff I don’t need.  But I see people doing the mall walk thing.

HOWEVER, I wish I’d seen this woman doing HER version of mall moving. I might even pull up chair and watch, ’cause I sure won’t be trying it! I’m 50! For goodness sakes!

Check this out!

“Who wears short shorts?” Remember that pop song?

I know that I don’t wear them anymore. And except during rare and fleeting periods in my life, I couldn’t/shouldn’t/wouldn’t have worn them. And I don’t think that I’ll be wearing them anymore because they just don’t seem right; they make me feel inappropriately exposed.

Is this an mid-life modesty that I eschewed in other decades? Or is it an acceptance that short shorts are wrong for my body-type? Has my self-perception changed so that there are now some clothes that are simply “too young” for me?

Do you wear short shorts?

I stumbled across this “everywoman” quote while I was reading Page Six online this morning (ok…that’s one of my dirty little secrets:  I read Page Six online and am verily addicted to it.  But I do NOT touch the tabloids in the grocery store checkout lines!)

Read on - are you “like every other woman” as described by Stella McCartney (remember that her father, Paul, was the cute Beatle.)…

“I’m like every other woman. I don’t want my underwear to make me feel fat” - Stella McCartney in Vogue . . . ”

Think about it.  Does your underwear make you feel fat?  What does that mean?  What kind of underwear could that be, other than ill-fitting underwear or a thong?  Do men have this problem?

I know that I should know the fancy way to do this so you could just point and click and read this. But I keep forgetting. So just cut and paste this URL into your browser if pointing and clicking doesn’t work. The topic: why to STOP doing a thing. Hit the back arrow on your browser to read on here when you’re done there. Or, read on now!

http://www.43folders.com/2007/11/12/vox-populi-reasons-quit

I post this for all of us with bags of yard and piles of new fabric from project ideas that seemed like a good idea at the time…endless lists and half-started novels. Unfinished stanzas. There’s new stuff bubbling up all the time and we need to make room and time to accomplish it!

There comes a point, I think, in every endeavor when you’re pretty far into it, but you can’t see the end. So you forget why you started in the first place, but you keep going. Sort of. And either it gets finished or not. Either way, the project hangs over you and saps energy.

If you’ve forgotten why you started, maybe the reason for the doing is no longer there.

Just a pre-dawn thought today…

My whole life I’ve wanted to hear those words: “Kerchner elected president!” As a kid, I thought being president would be the coolest job. I have, lucky for all, seen the error of my ways.

However, while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy Monday afternoon, I heard the news guy talking about the new president of Argentina, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner.

My ears perked right up because when they call her by her last name, they call her Kirchner. HEY, that’s the same as my last name at birth. OK, so it’s spelled differently. But when you hear it, it’s definitely the same. So you can imagine that I was kinda excited to hear about her win.

But here’s what got me. I believe I heard Lou Dobbs repeat AT LEAST THREE TIMES, that “Kirchner is remarkably bright and beautiful.”

I must confess that when I checked the transcript from CNN. It shows only: “That’s an interesting report on Cristina Kirchner, remarkably bright, attractive woman.” So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he did say it only once. Maybe I was so surprised that the words got stuck in instant replay only in my brain… and maybe the transcripts aren’t really every single word spoken?

She is beautiful. I’m sure we are twins separated at birth. I’ll have to ask my mom about that. See for yourself…

Here’s the Argentine Kirchner

and here’s me
If you squint and the pictures are small enough, we’re nearly identical, doncha think?
But I digress.

Kirchner just got elected president of a whole freakin’ country! I hope she’s more than remarkably bright. (I, too, am more than remarkably bright. Hmmm, another reason to think we’re twins?)

Dictionary.com defines remarkable as “notably or conspicuously unusual; extraordinary.” Why is it conspicuously unusual that a woman is bright? Or is this to imply that it’s unusual that an Argentinean woman is bright? Man, I am NOT going there!

Look, I must admit that I don’t know a whole lot about Argentina. But I hear they have pretty many “issues” down there, issues that will probably require a person a whole lot more than just bright—even remarkably bright–to run the country.

I wonder if they ever called the president of the US remarkably bright… I mean ANY president. It seems condescending to me.
People might be surprised to find that some athletes are remarkably bright. Our culture doesn’t expect them to be smart. There is certainly nothing precluding the possibility of brilliance. The ads during the Final Four basketball games highlight the scholar athletes who will probably not go on to pro ball, but who just might discover a cure for cancer.So why are people surprised that women in power are smart? I’m sure some women get power in less than admirable ways. (Some men do, too.) But why can’t the media figure out what to do with the smart woman stories? When Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the House, they talked about her wardrobe. They talk about Condoleezza Rice’s hair styles.

Did the press talk about how cute JFK was? They sure didn’t announce it on the 6 o’clock news! My friend Mary Klotz says, “They didn’t need to. Everybody knew it!”

I wish I had the opportunity to meet Lou Dobbs in person. I think I might like to screw a light bulb into his head and see if might BECOME “remarkably bright!” Maybe he could become a shining example to the rest of the media.

Kerch has a real “thing” for purses. I have recently come to the conclusion that being “current” each season is an itch that I can scratch by simply buying a new bag in the “it” style. After all, everything goes with black pantsuits, right?
And you? How many purses do you own? And why? Point and click and read on here.
Enjoy!

Just for the record, I finally quit smoking today. The final catalyst for action? Well, actually, there were two:

1. After 37 years, the smell of my own cigarette smoke is disgusting.

2. Chantix. Pharmacology is a wonderful thing!

In today’s episode, we’re looking at fear generally and broadly connected to the unknown – What might happen? What could happen? Fear can be paralyzing or it can be powerful. The stuck place is not so powerful and certainly not the preferred spot for 50 something women. So we’re looking at the resolution of fear as the beginning of the evolution from where we were to where we’re going.

Hope you learn something useful!

 Making fear work for you [24:29m]: Download

This afternoon my brawny stagehand son was teaching my brawny Marine nephew the finer points of whipping cream by hand for the strawberry shortcake that was their grandmother’s birthday cake.  My almost-daughter-in-law and I just got out of the way.

While the “boys” were whipping cream, my now 76-year old mother was on the deck explaining to my ex-husband, my brother and his wife that the ducks that currently inhabit her waterfront must be homosexuals, since there are no female ducks.  This - of course - does not explain the appearance of baby ducks.  She doesn’t have any problem with that apparent contradiction in her thinking. 

My Donald is working in Detroit at the moment.  I hope that when I tell him these stories, I can give them a “you were there” feel!

Clearly not the Cleavers.

I’ve been reading a lot recently about women-in-their-middle-years (I guess that means post-menopausal, a period in one’s life formerly referred to as “middle aged”) who are “re-inventing themselves”. 

And I find myself reacting oddly to the Dennis Hopper television commercials for some financial services company’s retirement planning services.  Hopper looks intently and Hopperesquely into the camera and says firmly and boldly:  “Your dreams are now.” 

Finally, there are the cialis/levitra/whatever ads that talk about “when the time is finally right” and the ads end up with the couple relaxing separate-and-apart in adjacent clawfoot bathtubs that are in some meadow overlooking the horizon.  I am confused as to whether or not the time was EVER right for that particular dosage!

These three thoughts are connected to a concept of endless and fairly limitless possibility.  It’s almost as if we can reconnect to all of the bright potentials from our youth with enough money, the right drugs, through the right re-design.  Life 5.0, perhaps?  What’s Jane Pauley doing these days?

I’m wondering if re-inventing is really about re-imagining.  Those imagination muscles may be the most atrophied of all.  What’s the process for getting one’s imagination back into shape?

As always, suggestions welcome!